I sat alone in quiet discomfort.
But, I welcomed this sense of unease, because I knew it was a catalyst for change.
I would rather be uncomfortable for a moment then find myself consumed by the shallow stagnant waters of complacency.
I knew change was necessary and inevitable if I desired any sort of true progress in my life.
Treading water had become second nature to me, but was no longer serving me as well as I had always pretended.
I lied to myself saying I wanted one thing when I knew I desired another.
It wasn’t an easy decision.
One choice was the easy option, where I would leave my true aspirations behind, to be experienced only in dreams.
The other choice meant digging out the bits of my soul that I usually left locked away, ashamed to admit that someone like myself would have such grandiose aspirations.
I didn’t esteem myself highly enough to believe that I was one of those people who achieved lofty goals.
But now, I was at a crossroads.
I knew from this moment onward in my life, I could either uncover my honest ambitions and pursue them with abandon, or succumb to complacency.
Either way, my life will continue on.
It’s simply a matter of choice.
Do I want to remain stagnant and continue to live mostly in dreams?
Or do I want to relinquish my desire for comfort and consistency and make my dreams a reality?
Either way, it’s a risk.
One decision would mean forever taking a willing seat as a bystander, never leaving the comfort of my observational prison.
The other would mean that I would have to abandon my safety net requirement of consistent outside validation to bolster my own self-worth.
It was truly a matter of esteem.
Whether or not I was able to give my dreams the merit they were due.
Whether or not I could muster the strength to believe that my aspirations for success were just as valid as anyone else’s.
One choice would cause momentary discomfort, knowing it would involve changing the patterns already ingrained in my previously sheltered life.
The other would ultimately lead to my discomfort for the rest of my life, knowing I’d chosen stagnation over success.
I’ve made the choice to stop treading water.